Friday, January 14, 2011

a busy week

My poor boy was exhausted. He and I took two trips to pentwater together this week and then he went to the Detroit zoo on Friday with his grandma while Jeff and I went to Pentwater. He was talking all about the zebra's and then conked out.

 It was so good to get away and be with just Jeff. Don't get me wrong, I missed Kaden terribly, but it was nice to do things that are difficule to do with a two year old. Just simple things. We wandered around camp,  played in the warm waves on the beach and later we laid on the beach and watched for shooting stars to wish on while listening to the water lap on the shore next to us.

      Earlier in the week my dad played his trumpet and Kaden was enthralled. He watched my dad play for a few minutes with his hands on his cheeks and his eyes wide. Pops tried to teach Kaden to blow through it.

And then he played and showed Kaden how to press the keys.

It was an awesome and busy week. One that crept by slowly, allowing me to enjoy every moment. One that kept allowing me to look forward to the next thing without wishing other parts to go faster.

On another note...

My Morning Glory's are looking beautiful. I don't have much of a green thumb so I'm always impressed when something I plant actually grows. You could have knocked me over when my rose bush actually bloomed one perfect white rose.
And lastly...


               All 'tude. Wonder where he gets that from???

First Post Ever.

Kaden and I went camping with my parents in Pentwater. Usually we go for a week but Kaden and I went up for two days and one night.  It was amazing for both of us. We got to spend alot of time together with no time restraints and nothing on the agenda besides making our way to the beach. We started out our day by going  to a restaurant in Hart called the Pink Elephant for breakfast.  Kaden loves the show Babar and thought that Babar was there. They were super busy and it took a long time to order and to get our breakfast. They were generous with the coffee, however, and I was vibrating in my seat while I colored with Kaden. We sat on stools at the bar and I was worried about Kaden falling off but he did very good, I believe he felt like a 'big kid'. On our way back, driving through the middle of nowhere (seriously, this town is small!) I was surprised to see a plane parked on the side of the road. Kaden LOVES airplanes and helicopters and was excitedly shouting from the back seat. I pulled over and we walked over to the airplane. It was from WWII and on display as a memmorial. It was pretty hot out and the wings kept creaking and really creeped my out. I took some quick pictures while Kaden looked around and then we got out of there. We then went over to the beach and spent a lovely afternoon there. Karin took a bunch of pictures so I'll hopefully be able to post some soon. Kaden and I are going back tomorrow just for the day. I probably wont be able to post tomorrow, but I'll try for Thursday!!

Tour guide

We have so much snow and I love it! ...except for driving. I do not like sledding while driving. But walking in the snow? Love it. I love the crunching sound the snow makes when you're walking and I love how blue the sky looks with a blanket of crisp white snow beneath it. Someone I know committed suicide yesterday and he is a snowboarder and I kept thinking what a perfect day today would have been, if he could have just held on one more day he might've found there was just enough beauty in the world to keep living for. I know it's not that simple and it's actually a little crazy how much my own perspective has changed since I've had kaden. The world is brand new to me. I know you've heard the cliche about how having kids makes you see things from a child like perspective and so the world is sparkly and new again. And that's true, but it's more than that. I spent several years shutting things out and numbing myself to the world around me. When I found out I was pregnant it was scary because I couldn't do that anymore. I couldn't even take my anti depressant. After I had kaden I still had those feelings ( I could write an entire post about post partum depression) and hoped that God would take away my need to dull my senses and, slowly, he did. Now it's pretty rare that I even have a drink and when I do, I usually get a pretty immediate headache. Sometimes, especially if I'm with my girlfriends I'll drink more than I really want to, to try to 'power through' but I always regret it in the morning. Even more importantly, I haven't been on my lexapro since directly after I had kaden and, as I alluded to previously, had some depression but I went off of it inside a week. There have been some especially dreary days this winter when I felt I could have used it but over all, I feel pretty great most of the time. Living without my 'crutches' and having a child I've been forced to actually be a participant in the world. I've been in the moment which can seem achingly bright and so very real, like I'm coming out of the darkness after hibernating, which, I guess I was. Somewhere inside myself I hear, "yes. Welcome. You're here, on earth. There's the sun, the sky..."(this voice sounds remarkably like Charlie from it's always sunny...) And so I take hold of my son's hand and we discover everything beautiful and everything real together.

(I can't edit this at the moment so sorry if it's redundant or has spelling errors.)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Balancing act

I went out with some friends last night to celebrate a milestone. One of my best friends had a baby recently and she was saying how hard it is to be away from her during work. Long days and short evenings mean very little time spent with her precious baby and the weekends are so treasured because it's un-interrupted time to soak in every minute. But there's friends. Good, lovely people that have been there long before the times of husbands and babies and mortgages. People that remember your bad apartments and terrible judgements. People who have stood by you, sometimes holding your hand and sometimes cheering you on. These people are treasures to hold on to. But finding the balance can be difficult. Long lasting friendships don't happen by accident. They require nurturing, and effort. And so do your families. Time spent away from them is painful and the moments are heavy with guilt. So you spend every moment you can with your child, being a great parent but, then you start to remember your friends. You wonder when the last time you spoke to them was. You wonder what's happening in their lives, and how is it that these people that you once spoke to at least once a day are drifting away. People who at one time were so close that you didn't even need to speak in complete sentences to be understood. People you swore you would always be close with. I have three girls that I consider to be my "best" friends. All of my friends are special to me but these girls are my heart. They are three beautiful, strong women that I admire greatly and truly feel blessed to know. I wish I could find a better balance so that I don't always feel like I'm missing out in my personal relationships.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Christmas memories in the making

I possibly went a little overboard decorating this year. Kaden is so excited for Christmas that it's hard not to get caught up. Our neighbors have one of those spiral Christmas tree's that light up and Kaden looks at it a every night when they turn it on. I'm glad they have one, I'm not much for outdoor decoration's besides a wreath and maybe some lights. 
our tree
As we were decorating our tree (with decorations that my mom sends us every year) I couldn't help noticing that we already had created some of our own memories. 
ornaments from my mommers

We started with this ornament. There's a place in the mall where  you can pick an ornament and have it personalized.
Last year Kaden picked an Elmo. We're hoping they have a Spiderman ornament this year. I know we had one made in 2008 and I can't seem to find it, but I haven't gone through everything yet.

Kaden and his cousin Addison last year.

reindeer candle holder!
Kaden. Geeked beyond words that we have a Christmas tree.
This is Sophie. Eating the tree. I'm completely serious. She was biting the needles from the branches and she's been hiding ever since this was taken, probably with a nasty stomach ache. I'm sure Jeff (the cat poop cleaner upper, thankyoujeffie!) will find a nasty surprise later.
Kaden just loves to play and rearrange the Nativity.
I just love the way the bough's smell so I decided to spread them through the house.
Now I am off to make some Christmas cookies! Can't start too early when you have a Kaden in the house.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Completely rando

Kaden is the weirdest. He's not a picky eater but he would rather just skip to the good stuff. Preferably ice cream. Just a bit ago he asked me what I was doing. When I told him that I was heating dinner up he said,"dinner!?! cream!". We had a short discussion about that and eventually he climbed into his high chair. Pouting. He had his hands over his eyes as if he was dreading what i might place before him. As if I might place a bowl of brussel sprouts and frog eye balls in front of him and tell him to eat every last bite of his dinner if he wants ice cream. He peeked through his fingers and said, " oh! Setti!" Now, last night I made spaghetti with meat balls and he would not touch it. He declared it 'yucky'. Ice cream or bust. Tonight it's leftover spaghetti and he his smacking his lips as he sucks in the noodles and enthusiastically saying Mmmmmmmm! Like I said. Weird.
He is also growing up before my eyes. Just today when we were getting into the car to leave day care he asked for his glasses (well, "gladded") instead of his 'ga'.he now says 'kinyou' instead of just 'kin' for thank you. When he's thinking of something he very often will put his finger to his chin and say hmmmmmmm while rolling his eyes around very dramatically. (that word does not look right but I've retyped it so many times that it barely looks like a word at all) I can't believe he'll be three soon. The idea of pre school scares the crap out
of me. The place I work is supposedly one of the nicer places and the way most of the girls treat the kids is atrocious. I don't know how I would ever be able to be positive kaden is being treated nicely. They expect so much out the kids and if/when they can't deliver they yell and belittle. On top of that, kaden is so sensitive you barely have to look at him like you might be mad and he breaks down. I don't want my boy to be emotionally beaten down from pre school! I sometimes wonder why the kids don't say something to their parents but I think they are just so relieved to be going home that they don't think to complain. Or maybe they don't realize there is any choice in the matter. And really, how is a parent supposed to ask their child if their being treated nicely without asking leading questions? Anyways... My ice cream is melting...

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The post In which I am sappy

On Sunday mornings I take a morning drive to bigbys to get coffee, muffins and the paper. This morning was no different, except that I saw six army vehicles driving all in a row. Nothing to be alarmed about; we're not at war here, after all. Except that it did make me feel uneasy. I couldn't help but think about civilian mothers out getting coffee and muffins for their families in a country where seeing such a sight might cause them to rush home to make sure their families were safe and not in danger. I feel so blessed to live in America, safe in our little bubble where trouble seems so very far away. Where "money trouble" means that maybe your pantry is a little bare this week, and if things are really bad, maybe your using napkins for toilet paper for a few days. My household budget is a little tight lately but, here I am, typing my blog on my iPad while watching Benjamin button on my flat screen, warm in my house while my son sleeps safely in his bed.spoiled. What I am trying to say is, I am grateful. I'm grateful for our kind of struggles, the kind where I know that everything is gonna be alright.

On a completely different note, Kaden just woke up from his nap and came out on the couch with me. He is now cuddled up with me, fast asleep again. I love weekends. Mostly because I have kaden all to myself. I'm so selfish :)